“Treat your friends like family,” the saying goes. But what if we treated our family like friends?
Think about it: we are probably more considerate and respectful to our friends than to family members. Family we tend to take for granted. They will always be there—we believe—and they have to love us. Friends require a little more courting. We don’t assume they are always available; we need to actually make plans with them and set aside time to see them.
I suppose it’s human nature to take those we live with as a given. Spouses, siblings, children are always around—sometimes whether we want them to be or not! Grandparents and in-laws may not share a home with us, but we pretty much count on them to be on hand when we need them. We almost don’t need to invite them to the big occasions in our lives.
But take your friends for granted, and you’ll reap the consequences. Neglect to invite a friend to your party (“I just assumed you’d know you were welcome!”) and you risk offending him or her. We don’t make assumptions about our friends the way we do about family members.
What would treating our family like friends look like? It might mean setting aside time to be with them rather than expecting them to be on hand whenever we need them. Maybe we’d acknowledge that we value their opinion by asking them for help with a problem. We’d keep them current on our activities and ask them for updates on their lives. How often do we ask a spouse, child, or sibling “What’s new with you? How are you doing?” Most importantly, we would let them know how much we value them and not take for granted that they already know.
Every friendship needs to be nurtured. So do family relationships. If we didn’t set aside one-on-one time with our friends, these relationships would wither. What if we did this with family? Family life can be hectic, but we can still carve out time to take our child out for ice cream or our spouse for a walk. It doesn’t have to be a lot of time; just time that is theirs alone.
If we have loving family members, we are lucky. If we have caring friends as well, we’re even more fortunate. But there’s more to it than luck; all these relationships require care and nurturing. Genetics gave us family and choice gave us friends, but it’s up to us to cherish both.
I need to remind myself to be grateful for all the people I’m connected to in my life, whether they are bound to me by blood or by choice. Their importance may transcend the years but their lives will not go on forever. Now is the time to let both family and friends know how much they mean to us. Now is all we have.
