As I was scrolling through my phone, I came across an article titled, “Home Décor Trends for 2024.” Now, while this type of article does not usually capture my attention, I thought I would take a look just in case the wife had seen the same article and was getting any ideas that would cost me big bucks.

“Honey,” I said to the wife, “Did you read this article about home decorating trends?”

“No Dear. I didn’t. What does it say?” she asked.

“Well, I think we’re in pretty good shape. Thankfully, we didn’t buy into the farmhouse/shiplap trend because now it’s out. And we didn’t buy into the monochromatic white/gray minimalism trend which is also out. And all of our original walls still remain intact which is good, because open concept is no longer desirable and is out.”

“That’s interesting, Dear. I never did like open concept. I mean, who wants their kids and husbands in their same space 24/7 (she visibly shutters). Personally, I like my family like I like my silverware; in nice, neat, small compartments, where I can shut the door or drawer and not see them.”

“Oh my gosh? Can you imagine if we would have had open concept when the son was learning violin? Surely someone would have died,” I said.

“Or how would we have survived one of the daughter’s sleepovers in a house without walls? We would have both had ‘Back Street Boys’ poisoning.

“So,” the wife said, “getting back to your article, what are the decorating trends for 2024?”

“Well, it says here that the current trends are bold hues, statement stone surfaces, eclectic patterns, a lean away from minimalism towards maximalism, and the allure of vintage meets modern. Now if doesn’t scream our home décor, I don’t know what does. We have maximalized the heck out of this house. If it were any more maximalized, we would be hoarders.”

“That’s true, Dear,” the wife concurred. “We do have a lot of stuff that we have collected over the thirty-six years we’ve lived here. Your grandparents’ antiques, mismatched furniture, printer’s drawers with travel tchotchkes, vintage mirrors and windows, family portraits, a 1890’s farm house door that leads to nowhere … maybe we ARE hoarders!”

“You know what I think? I think a home should be a collection of things that you love, things that when you see them, they remind you of a person, an experience, a place, or a story that has been a part of your life. It should make you smile or warm your heart in some way. But most of all, it should make you feel at home …”

“Oh Honey,” the wife swooned. “That was a beautiful soliloquy about what a home should be. We don’t need no stinkin’ articles about decorating trends. We have created our own décor. It’s not minimalism or maximalism. Let’s just call it home-ism. You realize with all of our treasures, we can never move.”

“I know. I’m thinking, the next home is the funeral home. Until then, let’s just enjoy being home.”

Raul Ascunce is a freelance columnist for the Sentinel-Tribune. He may be contacted at [email protected].