I don’t know about you, dear readers, but I’m a bit of a worrier.
My family would probably say that’s a major understatement.
So often when problems arise I imagine the worst possible outcome. That sneeze is surely COVID coming on. The leak in the porch ceiling will require a new roof. What if my insurance doesn’t cover the medical procedure I need?
But sometimes I stop and ask myself: How often does what I dread actually come to pass? And the answer is: not very often.
The roof needs only a minor repair. My insurance will pay for the procedure. The sniffle was only a sniffle.
But do I notice it when things turn out for the best? Not necessarily. I’m a lot more adept and anticipating misfortune than noticing good fortune.
Why is this? Maybe we’re so eager not to be surprised by negative events that we unconsciously prepare for them all the time. If I’m ready for the cost of a home repair to be larger than planned, I won’t be shocked when it is. Maybe worry is a way of protecting ourselves from shock or keeping our expectations low.
But anxiety is a false friend. It may shield us from future disappointment, but it also keeps us from enjoying the present. Anticipating tomorrow’s potential problems blocks us from savoring today’s pleasure. Anyone who has suffered from severe anxiety (a more common mental health condition that even depression, according to the National Institute of Mental Health) knows how small everyday joys disappear when we’re constantly expecting major disaster. This constant state of worried arousal robs us of the here and now.
A certain amount of anxiety can be constructive. It helps us prepare for undesirable eventualities—which do happen sometimes, to be sure! It keeps us alert to potential dangers. But constant anxiety and dread can make life an endless struggle because we never live in the present. And that is when life loses its sweetness.
For those struggling with clinical levels of anxiety, professional help may be needed. Many forms of help—among them talk therapy and medication—are available. But for us “worried well” maybe a change of viewpoint is in order. Perhaps we could help ourselves by changing our thinking habits, by noticing how seldom the disasters we fear come to pass, by realizing how often we are blessed by a good outcome.
When things go badly, we’re tempted to ask “Why me?” It’s natural, I guess. But do we ever ask “Why me?” when life goes well? What did I do to deserve this sunny day, this loving spouse, these loyal friends? There is as little explanation for good fortune as for bad. To be sure, we can take credit for some of our accomplishments as the result of hard work. But we all receive benefits we could never earn: being born into a happy family, inheriting healthy genes, living in a caring community. Even at the most difficult times, there is goodness to be found: a caring friend after a loss, help from the community in a time of need.
There’s nothing we can do to earn blessings like that. They come unbidden, but they shouldn’t be unheeded. The least we can do is notice the joys that come our way. The most we can do is be grateful.
